Fly - but at your own risk in India.
Off late there are lots of disgusting/surprising and interesting news from Indian airline industry and some of these are downright scary. But why be scared when you can laugh about it. So here is my take on some of the news(cringe)worthy items.
Go First leaves without passengers
Go First left without 54 of its passengers from Bangalore who were checked in and had valid boarding passes. Well they can't be blamed right? The captain thought it is better to "Go first" to the destination and then think about the left out passengers. While I was in College, we even left out the bus conductor out of the bus one day. Imaging leaving out the co-pilot and the flight going away without one of the crew member?
Our regular bus route 7E was notoriously slow as the conductor spent his time giving tickets and insisting on completing all documentation and this meant the bus was never on time to reach college. Since the bus used to be jam packed, the conductor had no choice but to be at the entry/exit doors only and alternating between these doors to keep asking for passengers to buy ticket from him. He used to call out "Right-o-Right" for the driver to make sure he can proceed to next stop.
One fine day as our duty conscious conductor was holding up the bus in the pretext of selling more tickets, one passenger mimicked the voice of the conductor and shouted "Right-o-Right". Pronto, the driver moved the bus only for the unwitting conductor to run behind. As the bus picked speed, we lost sight of the guy running and screaming out expletives at the driver. But soon to the utter horror of the driver, the conductor was flagging down the bus after having a good Samaritan offer a lift in a two wheeler.
Now if the BTC (Former BMTC) can leave one of the crew behind? Go first should not be penalized for leaving out paying passengers right? They merely adhered to their company brand of "Go first".
What's the difference between the old Air India and the new Air India? Stumped? Here's the answer: With the old AI you were pissed off for their tardiness, with the new AI you get pissed on.
Poor lady and senior citizen was peed on by a drunk and disorderly AI first class passenger who hallucinated that the lady in the nearby seat was a men's urinal. Now AI simply thought everyone needs to pee, but this man did it on the co-passenger, no big deal. Shame on them.
But then as Indians, how many times have we had a bus travel with the parent "guiding" the child (male obviously) out of the window to pee and not create nuisance? Bus travels like these are why response time to situations such as these were very low. It takes immense skill to wrangle the stuck window shutter and close out the window before the inevitable spray hits you. Doordarshan used to broadcast village games from Germany many years back in a programme called Telematch. Maybe such skills like "Fastest window closer" would have been won by Indians had such an event been included. Maybe the passenger had mistakenly thought he is now being guided by his parent to relieve himself. It is not his fault that windows in an aircraft don't open is it not?
Since he is a celebrity now, adult diaper companies can approach him to do some advertisement extolling virtues of their product. You only cannot drink and drive. But with Elephant brand adult diapers, you can always drink and pee, even 35000 feet above ground. No need to even get out of your drunken stupor. Hic! Hic! Hooray!
By the way the lady was helped by staff to clean herself. What about the offending seat now? Next time, I will take a mattress cover in case i end up in one of the Toilet seats. Now I get why the planes smell all the time. Hi hi.
In our Bahubal lies our strength
Thailand offers a lot of massages. One group of men suddenly found their bahubal after such a massage and they beat up a co-passenger for not listening to the airline crew who asked him not to recline his seat during take off. Admitted that the person who got beatup was not following safety procedures of the aircraft , but is it not in our blood to rise against such rule breakers and put them in their place?
Why else is Thailand's capital called Bang Kok if there is no provision to beat up someone. Also since it was done in Thailand runway, the bahubali did the right thing there. After all the bahubali only followed our great Chanakya who gave the message "Saam dham dand bhed". How can that passenger not follow rules and not listen to the airline crew to put his seat in an upright position? After all the airline was also is Thaismile airways? So it is not his fault. He only utilized the rule of Chanakya is it not? And he was also prudent to do this act in Thailand.
You see we don't have Thai massages which are authentic in India. Neither do we have any freedom movement / wars etc. So denizens in India don't even understand that they have to fight for injustice. Its part of our lives is it not? So when the bahubali after the famous Thai massage got some muscle and went on to do the "Saam dham dand bhed" can we fault him?
The bahubali can be taken in for the Kabaddi league as the mascot. As far as the chap who wanted to recline the seat during take off goes, I guess he will never recline his seat for life time.
Our chaps from Bihar, I say they are the brightest in India. After all their land is the land of the great university Nalanda. Now how can you fail such chaps and hand them over to the police for having drunk prior to flight boarding / during flight if they did not break any of Bihar's prohibition rules?
You see the alcohol was procured outside Bihar and they knew that the prohibition laws in Bihar means they can't take the good stuff home. So why not drink it? And if they did drink while flying, did the captain note / air crew note which state were they flying over and is there any prohibition at the time of drinking?
Obviously you can't bring a bottle of the good stuff in Bihar, but heck, they only followed the metaphor "Body is a container"
And to think of Bihar as a liquor free state, only the state government thinks so. But how can you fault these literally high flying chaps for not wanting to drink any of the disgusting country stuff. They only chose class over mass is it not?
They could now be brand ambassadors for Air India who are embroiled in the pee gate to have an advertisement which says Air india - Pee the world with us or Air India - Don't drink and drive, Drink and fly or even fly and drink.
Next time, I am going by the humble IR or State transport bus. Atleast I am adept in closing windows in a jiffy you see.
